Silent Misa
by Sashocirrione
Summary: Light likes to use a ball gag on Misa. Introspective character study.


**Title: **"Silent Misa"

**Author: **Sashocirrione

**Spoilers: **MAJOR Spoilers for everything up to approximately episode 28 of the anime.

**Warnings: **NO UNDERAGE READERS. Rated M for a reason. Sexual activities. Mild bondage.

**Summary: **Light likes to use a ball gag on Misa. Introspective character study.

**Pairing: **LightxMisa

**Additional Notes: **This fic is entirely canon-compliant; it is an "it could have happened behind the scenes" kind of fic.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

* * *

It was rare that the odd mood would strike Light, and he would give in to that most animal instinct.

When it happened, it was a very particular mood, and everything had to be just right or he wouldn't feel like it. He was usually too busy, too full of his work, consumed by the dual tasks of being both Kira and L, tremendously fulfilled by his chosen path as the god of the new world.

The act of intercourse had never seemed very important in his life, and ever since becoming Kira it had seemed less important than ever before. It was part of the common landscape of life, yet another example of the excruciatingly crude things that everyone else was obsessed with. Gods were above such petty concerns, such uncontrolled lusts.

But sometimes, he would feel the need, and everything would be just so, and then he would get lost in the sensuous curve of Misa's neck, a curve that demanded to be licked and nibbled in exactly a certain way, not too hard and not too soft.

As they merged their bodies together, Light would drown in the physical sensations, as those sensations went higher and higher, building towards a goal, in exactly the same way his new world only built upon itself and became mightier. It was all so much; the scent of her hair, the warmth of her body completely enclosing his most sensitive part, Misa trembling around him and marvelously wet, the way she moved underneath him. It brought gasps of surprise and pleasure to his lips.

He'd defeated the bad guy, won the pretty girl, earned the admiration of the world and achieved his dreams. Misa was a symbol of all that, and so was doing whatever he pleased to her body, at the times when he felt like it, not according to her own demanding whines.

It was during those times when he felt the most masterful of all. It was intoxicating, all-consuming, to be intimate with Misa in that way. And yet Light knew he had never given up his control to his baser instincts. He was overwhelmed during the act, yet still in charge. Everything he experienced was something he'd chosen to experience.

Misa was never able to bring on the right mood, no matter what she did. Never once had he given in to her nagging or to her increasingly shameless displays.

If anything, it was the opposite. Light had never in his life had a turn-off as consistent as Misa's voice. It was annoying; it was too excited and high-pitched.

It reminded him of the way she hadn't obeyed shortly after they'd first met, when he'd told her to stay away for a while and instead she'd returned two days later, thereby exposing herself to Mogi and leading to imprisonment for both of them and a desperate spur-of-the-moment plan. Anything would have been better than giving up his memories and hoping he'd be able to regain them by capturing the next Kira. But because of Misa's blunder in not obeying, that risky plan had ended up being the best choice open to him.

So, when the right mood struck him, Misa had to be completely silent. He had a ball gag that he'd place between her pretty red lips, fastening the straps behind her head, in her soft blond hair. The act itself always shot sparks of arousal through his whole system, sometimes made his hands tremble in anticipation.

That was how Misa was supposed to be. Silent. It was beautiful, the shiny red ball gag and the blue straps. It could subdue a creature such as Misa, taming her for the sake of her master's pleasure, making her unable to create any sound louder than loud breathing. It was delightful that Misa knew her place. She had never once complained about the ball gag.

He didn't want to hear her talking, he didn't want to hear her girlish squeals, and he certainly didn't want to hear that horrible abrupt shriek that she had in the beginning always let out at her moment of climax. Her jarring, abrasive voice could be entirely shut away while he devoured her body, placing his lips and tongue everywhere, making her shudder in need. She always needed it so, so very badly. He'd never yet reached the point of taking off her panties without finding them soaked through.

She was the one who needed, and he dished it out to her according to his own schedule. She needed more than he would ever give, and in turn he gave her what was appropriate. It would always be like that. Misa was, in many ways, a microcosm of the situation with Kira's followers. Light could not and would not ever be swayed by their inane, uneducated chatter on Kira forums or with the sensationalized, crude version of Kira he saw promoted on television by Demegawa and others. He was above the masses, disdainful of what they said and of what they claimed to want from Kira.

He was the judge, they were the judged, and there was a necessary distance that would never be breached. He knew what they truly deserved and gave it to them, no less, no more. In return, he was allowed to ignore them, to cut off their words, to live in peace and not be bothered by annoying hero-worship or by demands on his time. It was better to be worshiped from afar, in peaceful silence. It was better to know that the worship was there without being immersed in the tawdry details of it.

Misa was the only follower he had direct contact with as Kira, and she substituted for the masses of them. Whenever a particularly deluded raving lunatic would create an Internet incident, and make a bad enough name for Kira followers that the event came to Light's attention, he was harsher with Misa. Whenever a prize-winning journalist would write a particularly intelligent essay in favor of Kira, Light was more generous with her.

And when he let himself be lost in arousal, tangled together with her in bed, every slick movement bringing him closer to his climax, it was not Misa as a person that he imagined. No, it was Misa as a symbol, as a vehicle, as a tool to bring him other things. She was pretty, and soft, and the damp heat inside her made him feel so very good, but her personhood didn't matter at all.

Yes, he was a god, but she was not a goddess. She was a mere follower; at best his high priestess, certainly never anything like an equal. He had always known he'd discard her when the time was right. He hadn't, not yet. Somehow that planned time of casting away Misa was still in the future even after six years, rather than the year or two he'd had in mind when he had first suggested they live together.

He almost never thought about why he hadn't followed the original plan of killing or memory-wiping Misa a year or two after Rem's death, and when he did, he generally shoved the question out of his mind with the justification that it would be soon.

But, a few times, there had been a gnawing thought just at the edge of his consciousness, a thought that perhaps he needed a little hero-worship in person after all.

* * *

**A/N (Author's Note):**

Well, this is my first LightxMisa that isn't either a joke or a side pairing in a fic that is mainly about a different pairing.

I usually don't want to look into the depths of a LightxMisa relationship, because it's pretty scary unless it's OOC or unless it's during that brief time when neither of them had their memories. Furthermore, when I do feel like looking into those depths, I usually feel that LightxMisa is lacking in narrative potential.

Canon already gave us quite a bit of the LightxMisa relationship, and it's hard to imagine it realistically working out much differently. Since I feel like fanfiction is mainly for the purpose of exploring what was not shown in canon (otherwise, if you want exactly canon and nothing more, why even bother with fanfic?) then if I see that canon has already done something, I usually don't feel much urge to cover what is basically the same ground.

Granted, canon shows us almost nothing of the private lives of the characters, so there can always be more filling in of the background details, especially in bed, but most of the time I don't have the urge to write those sorts of fics unless I can also fulfill some narrative purpose or lead to an alternate ending.

However, this time, I did want to do it.

I wanted to explore how Light is very pointedly not interested in girls. The manga and anime bring it up again and again. Of course it becomes fuel to say that Light is gay and also to boost LxLight support. Light could be gay, true, but there could be other reasons instead, such as Light having a very low libido or being asexual.

The reason I chose for it to be true in this fic is that Light is a control freak. Giving in to sexual urges in any way other than infrequently would make him question his mastery over himself, and since such self-doubt would be completely unacceptable, Light refuses most of the time, and when he does it, he makes sure it is on his own terms.


End file.
